Review: If I Stopped Haunting You
Super excited to say that I’ve started receiving and reviewing Advanced Reader Copies! My first was This Ravenous Fate by the incredibly talented Hayley Dennings, who I was able to interview for the podcast. My second was this book, If I Stopped Haunting You by Colby Wilkens.
I have many thoughts, and of course I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that shortly after release of this book, it came out that Wilkens was called out for not having any Native heritage, which is indescribably bad considering she’s profiting off the branding of her as a Native author telling Native stories. I’m pretty sure her deal got pulled, though I’m not sure. As someone who isn’t Native, I can’t say much on this, but I do hope that authors who actually are Native get the chance to share their stories and get support.
This book had a lot going for it. There was a rich setting of a haunted Scottish Castle, two protagonists in close proximity who couldn’t stand each other, and a friend group of horror writers on a retreat! I was excited, as I always am when reading about writers. I started the book bright-eyed and eager, then I had to stop for half a year because of how initially turned off I was.
We open at a book convention where Penelope, our female protagonist, and Neil, our male protagonist (if you can even call him that—I’ll touch on this later), are sitting on the same panel for Native horror writers. Things escalate very quickly, with Penelope throwing a book at his head and scarring his face. Then she essentially drops off the face of the earth, fearing everyone hates her, which is where we begin the book. Notice how I didn’t mention any remorse for her hurting Neil. Because there was none.
I became pretty skeptical of Penelope based off how she initially treated Neil, and this continued throughout the book. Penelope is characterized as an impatient hothead who ultimately wants to be understood and wants Native authors to be heard and not walked all over. Her issue with Neil is that she sees him as a sellout, which he admits he is, and fine. This is definitely something worth fighting over. Still, his flaws (which he groveled over and apologized for several times throughout the book) never seemed to qualify him for her treatment, especially not the repeated amount of times she purposefully caused him physical harm, something that was sort of played for laughs. She admits at one point during the book that bringing him down has made her feel good about herself, and even though she knows this, she doesn’t really do anything to evolve from this point and barely apologizes. Instead, she just sleeps with him, because they’re both lusting after each other like crazy within the first few chapters, and the treatment continues, now with an added layer of want.
It gets so bad that even when they find out that there actually is supernatural activity going on in the house they’re staying at, they just decide to sleep together again rather than warning their friends who are also on the retreat or setting any sort of precautions, which, what? And I’m not someone who’s anti sexual scenes or tension, but none of it felt earned, and everything felt so rushed! I get that the retreat is only a week long, but you’re telling me you’ve despised each other for years and on the first day of the treat you’re both imagining a future together and wanting to be intimate with each other? Right. There was no buildup, so there wasn’t time to actually want them together, and for all of the horniness, there didn’t seem to be a lot of chemistry between the characters.
Speaking of buildup, the haunting was so interesting and then slow and then nonexistent and then over before you even knew it. Even with haunting in the title, it didn’t feel like it was thought through and was clearly just background, even though without it, there’s not really a plot. I enjoyed reading the letters and journals of these people from forever ago, and I liked the idea of the protagonists using this as a way to get closer and each overcome their writing blocks, but it just didn’t feel like there was enough. I wished there was more going on there.
I don’t want to complain the entire time, though, so I will say that I did enjoy Neil as a character, though he didn’t really do much. Even though this book was written in the dual perspective, Neil was less his own person and more someone to validate Penelope and be her punching bag, which was kind of sad considering his whole storyline was not knowing who he was and feeling like an imposter because his work was no longer his own and his brand didn't represent him. I would have loved to see this explored more, but even when it was his point of view, this book was definitely the Penelope show.
Ultimately, this book was a letdown for me, even with the parts I did like, and finding out about the author’s real life controversy was the cherry on top. I do want to read more horror this year though, so there’s that.
